


Namu Amida Butsu

by m3aculpa



Category: Glee
Genre: Character Death, Disturbing Themes, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-02-09
Updated: 2011-02-09
Packaged: 2017-10-24 15:31:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/265077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m3aculpa/pseuds/m3aculpa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <em><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/265076">Camille</a>.</em> There's a buddhist story in which a monk cuts a cat in half, because the two monks fighting over the cat cannot give a good enough reason why the cat should be theirs. Mike thinks he is the monk with the sword in the story; while he loved Kurt, he's not sure that he loved the part of him that was dying, so he figuratively cut him in half.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Namu Amida Butsu

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** Namu Amida Butsu  
>  **Fandom:** Glee **  
> Rating:** PG  
>  **Characters/Pairings:** Kurt, Mike, Mercedes, Quinn, Burt, Carole, Mike/Kurt  
>  **Warnings:** Character death, off-screen sex, gruesome imagery (?)  
>  **Word count:** 724 words  
>  **Summary** : Sequel to _[Camille](http://archiveofourown.org/works/265076)._ There's a buddhist story in which a monk cuts a cat in half, because the two monks fighting over the cat cannot give a good enough reason why the cat should be theirs. Mike thinks he is the monk with the sword in the story; while he loved Kurt, he's not sure that he loved the part of him that was dying, so he figuratively cut him in half.

Mike remembers a Buddhist story. It’s horrifyingly brutal and Kurt would have made a face if he told it to him. The story is familiar to most; you can find a version of it in the Bible, but with a more benevolent ending.  
   
It’s the story of a monk, like so many of them are, and how he walks by a temple one day. He hears two voices raised in an argument and decides to look in. What he sees is two monks arguing over a cat. Very calmly, he asks what the matter is. Both monks make claims on the cat. The travelling monk says he has a very simple solution to this, takes the cats and pulls out his sword. He asks if they can give him a good reason why the cat is theirs.  
   
They can’t. He cuts the cat in half.  
   
Mike thinks about this story as the casket is being lowered into the ground. Tina clutches his hand in hers and Quinn presses against his side, though she clings to Sam. His wearing an impenetrable mask. Mercedes regards him with the same half-suspicious, stricken look she’s had since they found out  
   
(‘ _Why didn’t you tell **us**?!_ ’)  
   
He didn’t know. And he was so angry when he found out.  
   
Burt Hummel looks grey. Like he’s aged decades in the span of the last few days. Carole has to hold him up almost. He’s a broken man. No man should have to bury his child. No boy should see his first boyfriend being lowered into the ground, but Mike squashes the selfishness like he should. He feels like Burt’s emotions are more important than his own (they’re not).  
   
He was so angry. He stares at the hole in the ground. The strange, detached calm lingers.  
   
He loved Kurt. But he never really understood him. He never understood the love for the movie Camille, but he watched it with him. He watched the sadness in Kurt every time he watched it; knowing that Camille would die. Every time he looked as if he watched to see if the ending would magically change. It never did. And Mike suddenly understood why the movie would resonate in Kurt the way it did.  
   
Him giving Kurt the camellia  
   
(‘ _Let me be the Armand to your Camille_ ’)  
   
makes him flinch in retrospect.  
   
He was so angry when he first found out. He tore a room apart in a fit of anger and it shocked his parents. Terrified his siblings. When all the anger left him and he was left in the carnage, he settled down to think. He’d always been prone to introspection. So he sat down among the shards and mess to think.  
   
On some level he must have known. He loved Kurt. He was smart, witty, acerbic, loving, soft, vulnerable. But he’d been a terrible liar. Kurt’s body hadn’t lied. Kurt always said that Mike’s hands burned him and made sure that he was all Mike’s. Mike loved watching Kurt; always looking at him when they were kissing, making love… He’d seen the bruises that couldn’t be explained by the bullying. He’d seen how the skin paled and the veins that were so shallow and blue. The make-up couldn’t quite hide the bruising around his eyes. It was glaringly obvious now that Kurt had been wearing a lot of make-up to hide how he was fading.  
   
(‘ _Why didn’t you tell me?_ ’ _Despairingly._  
   
 _‘I wanted to. I was afraid.’ A wan smile. ‘I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to let you fall in love with me. Or fall in love with you.’_  
   
 _‘So I really was the Armand to your Camille.’ Bitterly._  
   
 _‘No. To be Armand you’d have to lie. I lied and I’ll die.’ A sardonic smile. ‘You could say that I was both Armand and Camille at once.’_ )  
   
He put the pieces together, he now realises. He just wouldn’t admit it. In a way he was the monk holding the cat and the sword. Kurt was the cat. He’d cut Kurt in half. He had chosen to see the sunny brilliance of his boyfriend and ignored the dark, fading part. Effectively cutting Kurt in half. Leaving him no choice but to lie.  
   
Mike stays silent and meditative.  
   
He’s forced to accept the other side of Kurt.  
   
Even if he’s too late to do so.


End file.
